Wednesday, 11 June 2008

I'm also hating the Apprentice, or rather the class of idiots who go in for it, who run it, produce it and are the folks behind the desk.

Let us begin, Sir Alan Sugar, creator of Amstrad, purveyor of all things shitty and likely to break down if you look at them (litigious folks this is my opinion, not a statement of fact, though two sky boxes, a hi-fi and a CPC464 computer might argue with that...but I digress...) gets drafted in to be, as it were the Donald Trump of the UK, only without the comedy hair, or range of expression, or wealth... still he's amusing. He has a good line in put downs, but then how could you not put down the idiots in front of him successfully? 

Sir Alan is flanked by Margaret, the white haired voice of reason, and her male counterpart (who's name escapes me, but he's just like Margaret, with a dick, and glasses). These two have worked for years, first with Alan and then Sir Alan and were, I believe, hired because they have all the facial expressions he doesn't, but strangely they have both got the same affliction. What is this affliction? The inability to speak when someone in front of them is doing something completely heinous or stupid. For example someone is buying a supposedly kosher chicken in a halal butcher. They want to speak, you can see them trying, their cheeks sucking and blowing as they try to force out the words we're all screaming at the television. You know: "What the fuck are you up to you complete idiot dumb arse knob end!!!!!!" But they remain silent. Odd.

Then we come to the people it's oh so easy to hate, the contestants, or as the conceit of the programme would have it, the interviewees. Never have I heard such appalling nonsensical middle management speak (other than in a staff meeting at my employer) they are all mathematically disfunctional (I'll give you 110% Sir Alan), they think themselves out of more boxes than amstrad ever packaged goods in, they scale walls, leap tall buildings and are generally verbal superheroes in the art of saying sweet FA using words that sound like they could actually mean something. They also call each other friend as they stab each other in the back at any opportunity, they snipe and pout and truly reveal themselves to be an odious bunch. Of course, all they want is a job, until they get fired, at which point they feel that maybe they have a career in presenting there fore the taking. It's like big brother without the nakedness. Not that I want to see them naked, nor as I've said previously, the folks in big brother.

They're all awful. Thank god the series is over! 

No comments: