Tuesday, 5 May 2009

More of the same


Yup there is another big one around here.

Behind my home, just past the annoying revving bike is a nursery school.

Now it seems to me that if you send your children to most nurseries they will be looked after and educated by young female slightly overweight chavs. Nothing unusual there, though it may not be ideal in the posher bits of the world. There's a fair sprinkling of these chavs in the nursery behind me but they don't annoy me any more than any other average chav.


There's one special one. The one who teaches them sports. This is one annoying shouty man chav. And he's S T U P I D too.

Now he comes dressed as the worst kind of chav. A haircut with bits trimmed from it to look like partings, but being as he doesn't have afro hair he can have a normal parting, just by parting his hair. A polo shirt "wiv a coller so it looks smart innit?". 3/4 length trousers, adidas ones, capri pants for male chavs, though worn with a certain panache, this guy actually takes the bits of string at the bottom of the legs that can be used to gather them around the calf and uses them to gather the fabric about his calf (no one has done this since the design team at adidas tried to justify their jobs by adding these useless bits of twine (look Hans ve can gazzer zer vabric, ist gut ja?)). Worse still he gathers the fabric just below the knee, it makes his chav wear look like what I'm told are called Harem pants, but what I think of as the kind of thing worn by female belly dancers, genies and the like, only with stripes down the side. Oh and shoes, well you know those really thin trainers that chavs all wear these days? The ones made of leather that seem to have zero padding? Yeah? Well imagine them made of even thinner leather, and then divide the thickness of the leather by two. It looks like he's painted his feet white, in fact, the only way to tell the difference is to look very closely for the stitching, though I'm reasonably sure that he'd draw the stitching on his feet if he could. If he could work out which end of the pen is the one that writes.

Clothing over.

Stupidity time.

Imagine holding a conversation with a bunch of three year olds. Now imagine having to talk up to them intelligence wise.

When this fully grown man asks them to show him their balls it's not checking that they understand, it's not a pedophile in paradise, it's a man who has genuinely forgotten what balls look like. There's a look on his face for a moment like "ah yes, I remember!" shortly followed by blank incomprehension, then the question again, then the look........

Here is a man who has so little understanding of how the world works that he tells the children to "drop their balls downwards (said daaahhhhnwads), towards the floor," . He's genuinely worried that if the children let go of the spherical objects they hold (what are they again, oh yes, balls!) that they could float off in any direction. He is unaware of gravity, Isaac Newton is a mythical character who invented feet, and science does not exist. He also feels the need to remind himself (not the children) that downwards is, in fact, towards the ground, just in case he forgot. He is DUMB!

No worse still is the fact that he does all this at a volume roughly equivalent to a 747 at take off. His annoying chavvy voice reverberates off the nearby buildings causing all who hear it to shudder.

Except for the chav girls who work at the nursery. To them he's hot.