Since the recession has begun I have noticed a new breed of customers appearing in the store where I work. This new species shall be the subject of tonight’s rant.

These people seem to have the idea that we owe them something, simply because they have come to us to buy something, that we should acquiesce to whatever stupid request they make simply because they have some money that they would like to spend. These people are stupid. Very stupid. Very stupid indeed.

Think about it...

Every single one of them comes in and chooses a product that is a) very expensive and (NOT or) b) very heavily discounted. They will then ask for more money off. We are not talking £5 or £10, a sensible amount, a figure that, should the day have been quiet, I may consider. What they will ask for is £100 off a £600 product.

They will be told that this is not possible.

They will then demand that we give them something of greater value than the original discount requested for free.

They will again be told that this is not possible.

At this point a strange cross between anger and utter incredulity will cross their face.

“Don’t you know that there is a recession?” they will sputter. “Don’t you realize that you should be grateful I’m even here? Do you not think that if it were not for me, just me, you would be out of a job by the end of the week and the company would go the way of Woolworths? Don’t you care that I will walk out of here and spend my money elsewhere?”

My answer is no. A firm and unequivocal no.

Yes I know there’s a recession, I am glad that we have customers, but really if the business relied on you and your overactive self importance gland for our income we would have been fucked long ago, and should I lose my job because I failed to sell you this for a ridiculously low price, well I’m probably well shot of it, and no I don’t care if you take your money elsewhere because I know that if some fool does give you the price you are looking for then their business IS going bust, pretty damn soon and they, not I, will be out of a job.

Look at it mathematically. An item costs my employer £550 to buy, it normally sells for £800. A profit of £250. Because there is a recession, and because we need to keep trade the item is reduced to £600, it does not cost any less. £50 profit left.

Now a ‘customer’ comes in and demands £100 discount. How much profit is left? Fuck all. In fact I’m virtually paying them £50 to take it away. Where, pray tell, is the sense in that? How is it a good idea, recession or no recession, to sell something for less than it costs to buy? Why, for goodness sake, do these so called saviours of business during the recession not grasp that it’s not going to get us anywhere if we don’t make a little profit on what we sell?

I get that they are just out for a good deal, much as I am when I shop, but there are good deals and there are stupid deals. Ask for the stupid deal if you will but for fuck’s sake don’t get all pious and offended when you’re rejected. If you do, well then you’re an arsehole and, therefore, I hate you.